How Do We Relate To One Another? (Labels)

I would like to answer this question with a more detailed question:

How do the labels and assumptions that others make about us (and vice versa) influence our identities?

Let's start by exploring the labelling theory which infers that:

"The self-identity and the behaviour of individuals may be determined or influenced by the terms used to describe or classify them"

This theory was prominent in the 1960s and 1970s, influenced by Howard Saul Becker's book Outsiders. Today, some modified versions of this theory are still popular, such as Stigma that represents a powerfully negative label that harms a person's social identity. 

Why do we label ourselves and others?

Labels can be thought of as identifiers that describe who you are and how you act. From a cognitive perspective it is an efficient thing to do. Instead of having incredibly detailed, individualistic representations of everyone you know, it is far easier for you to categorise that person with a label or multiple labels. Those labels represent qualities or traits that the other person now embodies for you.

If I were to label someone I know as intelligent, then it will be because that person displayed behaviour that fits my interpretation of what intelligence means. My interpretation of intelligence can be presented as:

• The person has achieved a result in something complex. 
• The person has a high IQ.
• The person is articulate (can read, write and think well).
• The person can acquire knowledge and skills easily. 
• The person can solve challenging and abstract problems. 
• The person can express coherent and well-thought through ideas.
• The person can discuss a variety of topics at length and depth.
• The person can ask insightful questions related to the conversation/topic.

This is naturally a subjective exercise and that is an important distinction to note. When it comes to the process of labelling you have:

• The attributes and interpretations of the person doing the labelling. 
• The person who is the object of the labelling.
• The situation or context in which the labelling occurs. 

Labels are social constructs. We often don't come up with the categories or even the definition of the categories ourselves, they are a function of the society in which we live and tend to be commonly understood by others. Using intelligence as an example, while we may debate what the pre-requisites for intelligence are, we will share a common understanding of the label. This allows us to convey complex information to one another in a simplified way.

This simplification looks something like this:

1. Someone who has a child or children is labelled a parent. (X = Y)
2. If someone was described as a parent (Y) then it is implied that they have a child or children (X). 

It is worth including that labels exist at all levels including the individual, groups, companies, societies, countries and the world. We use this simplification process all the time. 

What are the pros and cons of identity labels?

Pros:

• We use labels as shortcuts to understand others and the world. These shortcuts help us to maintain our sanity by simplifying a complexity that exists within the individual and in the world. 
• It helps us to orientate our behaviour towards the different categories of labels. You are more likely to spend time with someone who is "caring" vs someone who is "destructive"
• It can help us to build rapport and connection with others who share the same label. It indicates that we have something in common at least. 
• It can enable freedom of self-expression when someone chooses and is in control of the labels that define himself or herself.

Cons:

• Negative labels can be damaging, especially if the person believes the labels to be true and therefore part of their identity. In some cases the labels were given by others in the form of bullying, abuse, critique, opinion, etc. In others they can be generate through negative self-talk and limiting beliefs.
• We miss the amazing complexity and potential of the individual. As soon as we label someone we place them in a group of people and introduce a set of expectations about who they are and what they do.
• Labels are often static and require effort to update. Someone who is labelled as "annoying" can easily do things that are helpful. However, without updating the label we can run the risk of misinterpreting their actions. 
• By categorising people there is a higher risk of conflict between groups of people that share different ideals, characteristics and traits. Communist vs capitalist is a good example. 
• Certain labels can be used to discriminate and marginalise (us vs them kind of mentality). 
• There can be pressure to keep up appearances and behave in a certain way to maintain the label. For example, someone that is labelled "gifted and talented" may feel pressure to keep performing at a high level to meet expectations.

While this idea is relatively straightforward in theory, we have to take it seriously because labels do genuinely influence our identities and perceptions. 

A classic Princeton University study demonstrated the scope of labels. One group of people were shown a video of a girl playing in a low-income neighbourhood and another group were shown the same girl playing in a high-middle income neighbourhood. In both instances the girl was asked questions, some of which she answered well and in others she made mistakes. 

Darley and Gross found that people used the socioeconomic status label as an indicator of academic ability. When the girl was labelled as "middle class", people believed her cognitive performance was higher than those that had labelled her as "lower class". 

Labels can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we believe that something is real, we can make it real with our attitudes and behaviours. 

How might we address labels in a constructive way?

It is an interesting question to ask, because labels (or however you define it) are here to stay and no one is immune to its influence. 

I'd like to break my thoughts into three parts: You labelling others, others labelling you and you labelling yourself. 

You labelling others:

Toni Morrison, winner of a Nobel Prize for Literature, wrote:

"The definitions belong to the definers, not the defined" 

Each label you place on another person to simplify them, only serves to limit your world. Put another way, it represents your inability to copy with the complexity and uncertainty that is a human being over time. 

It can also mean that you have not developed our cognitive ability to fairly and accurately represent a person and their behaviour. In this case your categories could be too broad, where more detailed categories would provide richer information. The risk here is that you don't act appropriately to what is actually happening or what another person does. Instead you respond to the inaccurate and biased view of reality that exists in your mind. 

Clearly there is a benefit to expanding and reframing our view of people and the world. 

One way to do this is to introduce flexibility. There is a huge benefit to believing and accepting that people, societies and the world can change. This allows you to better adapt and be prepared for change. Your expectations will be closer to reality. This implies that your labels are temporary and changeable. 

Another step you could take is to stop being so quick to categorise and label someone negatively, especially if you do not fully understand the reasons for their behaviour. If someone does something wrong from your perspective, it should not automatically mean that you are interacting with a "bad person". Instead it could be seen as a person who did something that conflicts with your value system. It is also naiive of you to believe that you are high and mighty enough to not be susceptible to the same behaviour if you faced the same circumstances. 

This idea could be expanded further by sharpening our level of analysis. Instead of broadly labelling a person across time, you can restrict the label to a particular context. You could go from "Joe Bloggs is annoying" to "Joe Bloggs is annoying at work" to "Joe Bloggs is annoying at work because he sends too many emails". This provides you with the potential to see Joe Bloggs differently outside of that context (i.e at work drinks).

Something else to watch out for is automatically taking on other peoples labels for someone. Considering gossip is a big part of our culture, it is easy to be influenced by the labels that a trusted friend or colleague has about another person. I believe it is foolish and lazy to automatically adopt those labels without doing the thinking and analysis for yourself. Labelling someone as "incompetent" just because your friend said they were is not wise at all. Don't get me wrong, gossip has it's utility. If you find out someone is genuinely toxic and should be avoided, then that is worth knowing. However when it comes to non-threatening scenarios, exercise your own judgement. 

My final point is to stop and understand your biases and motivations before you label someone, especially if it is negative. Is the label really going to help you mange your interaction with person being labelled? Or are there underlying insecurities that are secretly motivating this move? The label could be the result of a emotional response to the feelings of jealousy, anger, frustration, sadness, guilt, etc. Check that you are in the right state of mind before labelling someone. 

Others labelling you:

The first step I think is to become aware of how many labels you have received from other people without consciously choosing the labels yourself (your name for example). Have a think about how many labels used to distinguish you as an individual are truly yours. By becoming aware of all your labels, you can make a choice about whether they need updating or not. 

If you are labelled in a negative way, it is worth asking the question as to why the other person believes that to be the case. Firstly it helps to narrow the context of the label down to the level of your behaviour vs your identity. Secondly if their response is valid and fair, it can provide you useful information (that you were unaware of) to course correct your actions. Whether you do that or not is up to you to decide and will be based on what you value. 

Another helpful distinction is to differentiate which of your labels are made up of opinions or judgements and which are not. For example your job title is a factual label, it explains what you do. Same goes for whether you are a parent, child or sibling. Being described as "confident", "egotistical", "brave", "lazy" are merely opinions. Therefore they should be weighted as such. One person's opinion can be taken less seriously than a group of people who all have the same opinion about you. If that is the case there is something in your behaviour to look at (either in a positive or negative sense).

Please remember that you do not have to be defined by any label. If you choose to believe it to be true of you then naturally it will carry weight. 

You labelling yourself:

This is arguably the most important out of the three. How you see yourself matters. By choosing the labels that make up your identity you can safeguard yourself against the comments and opinions of others. I believe there is a correlation here with self-esteem and self-confidence. Someone who is more secure in their identity will likely have higher levels of self-confidence. 

It is important to pay attention to your self-talk. For example if you made a mistake or got something wrong, it could be quite tempting for your self talk to say "I'm such an idiot" or "I am so clumsy". If you do that you are either labelling yourself negatively or reinforcing a pre-existing negative label. That can be harmful long-term as you create a pattern to reoccur.

It is also worth understanding your labels with respect to time and space. Have a think about when you first created your labels and whether they are still relevant to you now. We all change as we grow and become more knowledgeable and experienced. Therefore it's reasonable that some of your outdated labels may no longer be serving you. Also, see if you can contextualise your labels. For example are there certain scenarios or places where a label is more likely to show itself?

Exercises:

• Make a list of the labels that you use to describe yourself
• Determine whether there are any labels that need adding, updating or removing and provide reasons why that is the case.
• Ask a cross-section of people you know (family, friends, colleagues, relationship, other groups) to describe you in 5 words. Compare and contrast their answers to see what information you can extract. 
• Come up with a master list of your identity labels that represent who you are now.
• Set a regular reminder to review and update this list.

Related articles

• How Do We Relate To One Another (Understanding)